Over-thinker? How to Stop Overthinking- 10 Ways to Harness it as a Strength
Do you get called an over-thinker? Maybe you make pro/ con lists for every decision you make. Maybe your friends, family, and colleagues have become inpatient with you and have called you an over-thinker, so you’ve started believing it might be true.
Are You an Overthinker?
Over-thinking involves worrying excessively about things from the past or events/ potential outcomes for the future.
In my view, it’s overthinking if:
1. It’s not followed by timely, relevant action
2. It’s not aligned to your core values, i.e., even without action, you benefit in some way
3. It’s getting in the way of activities or goals that are high priority for you
Pay attention – is the thinking keeping you in a negative headspace, or is it leading you to a positive vision for your life ? If you are losing sleep, feeling anxious, depressed, and feel like you are “spinning your wheels”, seeing the same undesired outcomes, then chances are you’re over-thinking.
If you are an over-thinker, you might be asking yourself, “how do I suppress or control my overthinking?” My answer to this is, you don’t. Instead of suppressing it, find a way to manage it effectively. Keep reading to learn how to stop overthinking by harnessing it as a strength.
How to Stop Overthinking- 10 Ways to Harness it as a strength
1. Determine the Value- I fall into the over-thinking trap often, so I’ll reflect on how long it took me to act. I ask myself, ‘did my time spent thinking lead to proportionate results? Or in other words, did I see a return on my investment?
2. Embrace Being an “Over-Thinker”- I have not only embraced this as part of who I am, I have reframed it as a positive trait. Being thoughtful and exercising good judgement are part of my signature strengths. I make sure to align my work to this and budget an appropriate amount of time to productive, thoughtful reflection.
3. Schedule Time to Think – studies have shown, if you give yourself permission to worry for 15 minutes, it will actually decrease overthinking so you can move to positive, thoughtful action.
4. Determine the Cause- I operate from the mindset that for every thought and emotion, there’s a positive biological intent behind it. Ask yourself – why do you feel the need to think this through? What emotions are you feeling? Accept the emotions and think about what this is signalling. For example, if you feel fearful, anxious, and discouraged- it could be that you are afraid of failing, or losing something. The positive intent is that your mind and body are partnering to ensure you are safe. How can you mitigate this? Ask yourself what the real is the real risk? How likely is it really that something bad will happen? Then, move on with the awareness that even the worst thing that can happen might be both unlikely, and really, not that big of a deal. When we suppress the emotions, the “shadow” it leaves ends up sabotaging us as we pursue our goals, so it’s important not to miss this step.
For more on the fear that may be driving the overthinking, read My Ultimate Guide to Conquering Fear, including the 4 Main Fears that might be feeding over-thinking patterns.
5. Change Your Environment- If you are thoughtful by nature, it might not be that you are over-thinking at all. Your preference may be to think things through before acting, but your work or life situation might not be empowering you to do so. For example, imagine you are a doctor and have a strong inclination to be thoughtful. You might burn out working as an Emergency Room Physician as you would be required to make quick decisions daily. You might be more suited toward internal medicine, or another field allowing more time to research treatment options.
Now, if you are an over-thinker, think about how much autonomy you have. If your work environment has high expectations and you have a low amount of control, you will experience many distractions that limit your space to think. In this case, finding a new workplace, or pushing back on unreasonable demands might help with your autonomy, which will decrease over-thinking. Workplaces with high psychological safety, also create an environment that will help keep over-thinking at bay.
If you’re debating a career change, here is an article I wrote on the 5 Signs it’s Time for a Career Change.
Tip: if you’re an over-thinker, you are prone to analyzing the risks of making a change, so don’t be afraid to ask for help.
6. Ditch Perfectionism- Prioritize timely action and progress over perfection. Number 3 helps you to do this by understanding that you might be trying to perfect something because you are afraid of failure or upsetting people. You may have heard the saying “done is better than perfect,” and it couldn’t be truer for those who let over-thinking get in the way of creating something meaningful.
7. Make it Worth It- You might ask yourself “what if…?” questions a lot. I use “what if…?” questions as a powerful coaching tool… however, these questions need to be designed to create solutions rather than magnifying the problem. Focus your thinking on what is going to lead to your ideal future, aligned to your unique values and goals.
Another reframe to ensure your thinking is productive is to ask yourself, “what part(s) of this problem is/are within my control? Make a list of what you’re able to influence, and then make note of the specific actions that will have the biggest impact. Tip: make the actions very clear and schedule them in your calendar right away so you shift from thinking to a more high-value activity.
8. Exercise Self-Compassion- Do you constantly analyze your mistakes? Give yourself permission to be human. Everyone makes mistakes. If you weren’t making mistakes, you wouldn’t be learning or growing into the person who will achieve your desired lifestyle.
9. Practice Mindfulness- Take time to sit still and do some deep breathing. As your thoughts come in, instead of “chasing” them, practice “observing” them. There are many meditation apps that will walk you through exercises designed to teach you how to do this. For some, it is more effective to do this first thing in the morning, or right before bed if your overthinking keeps you from being able to sleep.
10. Stop Making Assumptions- You might, for example, be spending time questioning others’ intentions and analyzing the hidden meaning behind their behaviour. Have the courage to practice direct communication. Ask the person who you’re questioning, “when you {insert specific behaviour}, I felt _____ or assumed _____. Was I correct in my interpretation? If not, what did you want to express?” This will give you the clarity to move forward and stop over-thinking in its tracks!
I hope that this blog post gave you some insight into your own thought process and how you can harness it to achieve your goals and desired lifestyle. If you can practice thoughtful action as a new way of being, you will also likely experience lower anxiety, depression, and gain the mental clarity that will make you unstoppable!
Let me know in the comments below if you still have burning questions or want to know how to apply it to your unique struggle. And remember if you’re a woman and/ or part of any marginalized group, you are more susceptible to over-thinking as there are layers of conditioning, micro-aggressions, and systemic barriers that lead us to worry or stress. Again, self-compassion is a key part of the process.
Instead of playing the losing battle of trying to balance work & life, this will allow you to look at all the important aspects of your life holistically. It’s a quick 3-step exercise that will give you instant clarity of the top 3 areas you need to focus on to gain more fulfillment and impact.